


The perks of being a thief

by TheReaperWithGlasses



Series: Movie's are life series [7]
Category: Carmen Sandiego (Cartoon 2019)
Genre: Breaking and Entering, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fights, Gen, Lasers, Musicals, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, References to Drugs, Spiritual, Spoons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:13:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27333232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheReaperWithGlasses/pseuds/TheReaperWithGlasses
Summary: Carmen and crew break into one of countess cleos mansions and fuck some shit up. Like a lot.
Series: Movie's are life series [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1906453
Kudos: 6





	The perks of being a thief

**Author's Note:**

> Mime bomb is nonbinary so they/them pronouns.

We join carmen and crew late at night in there car right outside one of the mansions of countess cleo.

"So does everyone know the plan?" Asked Carmen.

"No, you yelled at us to get in the car and then began poorly driving for like an hour." Said Ivy.

"You told me we where going to Macdonald's." Said Zack.

"Ok so quick game plan, we break in there take anything important looking or valuable and get out." Said Carmen.

"Carmen this is a foolish idea." Said Shadowsan.

"Ok so the game plans a little week, but when player said a vile mansion popped up not halfway across the state, we can't miss this opportunity. Plus he doesn't have all the details. Right player." Said Carmen as at the last minute she hits her communicator.

"Shut up bitch." Said Player.

"See he doesn't know anything." Said Carmen.

"Carmen you know your the only one that can hear him when you do that?" Asked Ivy.

"Did we remember mime bomb?" Asked Zack.

Just then they feel a thud from the trunk. They all exchange a glance and decide to go check it out. 

When they get back there and open it up and they quickly answer the where's mime bomb question.

"Ok so I may have shoved the mime in the trunk, that's my bad." Said Carmen.

Mime bomb sits up angrily having been dragged out of the house still in there pink comfort sweater and without makeup.

"Sorry bro, won't happen again." Zack says with a strong amount of venom towards carmen.

Player lags the security system and the five of them jump over the fence and carmen unlocks a window and they jump into a hallway. The moment they are all in they hear a oinking sound coming at them from the left. They look over and see a very small pig running down the hall and as it get's closer running faster than light it headbutts carmens ankle.

"What where you trying to attempt, that didn't even hurt." Said Carmen as she looks down at the little pig.

Mime bomb gets down and looks at the little pig dead in the eye and slowly it's rage disappears and he begins to pet it.

"I swear you're a disney princess." Said Zack.

"Ok ivy you come with me, zack and mime bomb you go to the left and shadowsan you take the right." Said Carmen 

They each split up and go there separate directions. Carmen and Ivy go into the room directly in front of them and it's the dining hall.

"Ok so if this is the dining hall the kitchen can't be to far away, how valuable do you think there spoon's are?" Asked Carmen.

"I don't know what do you think about all these vases?" Asked Ivy.

"Hmm, these might look valuable but if I might turn your attention to this label right here." Carmen tilts the vase back and points to a stamp at the bottom. "This vase is only really worth six hundred at the resale value."

"Woah, how can you tell?"

"I spent my life learning this stuff it's just second nature, but if you looking for a more real answer it's by looking at the porcelain and the colors, the strokes of the paint, stuff like that." 

"Woah, can you teach me stuff like that?" 

"Sure... why thought aren't you happy in the garage?"

"Yeah but I've always been the brawn to zack's brain and I want to be a bit more useful."

"Ok, now where are those spoons?"

[Meanwhile]

Shadowsan runs through the halls keeping an eye out for anything unusual. He's deep in thought until a voice catches his attention. He stops running and jumps to the shadows as the voice gets louder, as it just so happens to the voice of the countess herself.

"That haber is going to bring this hole operation to the ground, why must he be the way he is!"

Shadowsan watches as she stomps into a nearby room, he also notes that she has some kind of small statue in her hands. He waits a couple minutes before moving towards the door and listens to the inside.

"Uh, I can't deal with this right now, when is the operative getting here to retrieve the flash drive?" Asked Countess cleo.

He didn't hear a response so he could only assum she was on a phone call.

"What do you mean tomorrow, I want that operative here as soon as possible so I can get my henchmodel back out into the field."

"..."

"Are you sure there isn't anyone closer that can retrieve it?"

"..."

"Uh, very well, I expect your payment on the 20th."

Shadowsan hears footsteps get farther away and then silence, he reaches to his side to feel a rope hoping to make this quick. Shadowsan opens the door and sees countess cleo sitting on a wooden box fifteen feet away. He runs at the countess and takes her by surprise knocking her to the ground and pins her shoulders with his arm. He takes the rope and puts it around her neck and then binds her wrists before pulling her up and using the rest of the rope.

"You are a disgrace to vile!"

That is the last thing she says as shadowsan shoves a handkerchief in her mouth and shoves her into a nearby closet.

Before he leaves, he sees the idol by the crate she was sitting on. He grabs the human looking idol and continues his search through the mansion.

[Meanwhile again]

"Hey mime bomb you know ball players now-a-days have very peculiar names." Said Zack 

"You mean like funny names?" Asked Mime bomb.

"Strange names, nicknames, like on the st louis team Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third..." Said Zack 

"That's what I want to know." Signed Mime bomb 

"I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third." 

"That's what I want to know." 

"Well I'm telling you Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third." 

"Do you know the fella's names?"

"Yes"

"Well then who's on first?"

"Yes."

"I mean the fellow's name."

"Who."

"The guy on first."

"Who."

"The first baseman."

"Who."

"The guy playing..."

"Who is on first!"

"I'm asking YOU who's on first."

"That's the man's name."

"That's who's name?"

"Yes."

"Well go ahead and tell me."

"That's it."

"That's who?"

"Yes."

"Look, they gotta first baseman?"

"Certainly."

"Who's playing first?

"That's right."

"When first baseman every month, who gets the money?"

"Every dollar of it."

"All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on first base."

"Who."

"The guy that gets..."

"That's it."

"Who gets the money..."

"He does, every dollar. Sometimes his wife goes down and collects it."

"Who's wife?"

"Yes, what's wrong with that?"

"Look, all I wanna know is when he sighs a ball the first baseman, how does he sign his name?"

"Who."

"The guy."

"Who."

"How does he sign..."

"That's how he signs it."

"Who?"

"Yes."

"All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base."

"No. What is on second base."

"I'm not asking you who's on second."

"Who's on first."

"One base at a time!"

"Well, don't change the players around."

"I'm not changing nobody!"

"Take it easy, buddy."

"I'm only asking you, who's the guy on first base?"

"That's right."

"Ok."

"All right."

"What's the guy's name on first base?"

"No. What is on second."

"I'm not asking you who's on second."

"Who's on first."

"I don't know."

"He's on third, we're not talking about him."

"Now how did I get on third base?"

"Why you mentioned his name."

"If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?"

"No. Who's playing first."

"What's on first?"

"What's on second."

"I don't know."

"He's on third."

"There I go, back on third again!

"Would you just stay on third base and don't go off it."

"All right, what do you want to know?"

"Now who's playing third base?"

"Why do you insist on putting Who on third base?"

"What am I putting on third."

"No. What is on second."

"You don't want who on second?"

"Who is on first."

"I don't know."

"Third base!" Said both of them.

"Look, you gotta outfield?" Asked Mime bomb.

"Sure." Said Zack.

"The left fielder's name?"

"Why."

"I just thought I'd ask you."

"Well, I just thought I'd tell you."

"Then tell me who's playing left field."

"Who's playing first."

"I'm not... stay out of the infield! I want to know what's the guy's name in left field?"

"No, What is on second."

"I'm not asking you who's on second."

"Who's on first!"

"I don't know."

"Third base!" Said both of them.

"The left fielder's name?" Asked Mime bomb.

"Why." Said Zack.

"Because!"

"Oh, he's centerfield."

"Look, There a pitcher on this team?"

"Sure."

"The pitcher's name?"

"Tomorrow."

"You don't want to tell me today?"

"I'm telling you now."

"Then go ahead."

"Tomorrow!"

"What time?"

"What time what?"

"What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching?"

"Now listen. Who is not pitching."

"You say who's on first! I want to know what's the pitcher's name?"

"What's on second."

"I don't know."

"Third base!" Said both.

"They gotta a catcher?" Asked Mime bomb.

"Certainly." Said Zack 

"The catcher's name?"

"Today."

"Today, and tomorrow's pitching."

"Now you've got it."

"All we got is a couple of days on the team."

"You know I'm a catcher too."

"So they tell me."

"I get behind the plate to do some fancy catching, Tomorrow's pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up. Now the heavy hitter bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me, being a good catcher, I'm gonna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?"

"Now that's the first thing you've said right."

"I don't even know what I'm talking about!"

"That's all you have to do."

"Is to throw the ball to first base."

"Yes!"

"Now who's got it?"

"Naturally."

Mime bomb gives up trying to find out who's on first base as they both notice a door opened just a crack and the sound of crying coming from the inside. They peer in the crack and notice dash crying on the floor.

"You go ahead I'll check this out." Said Zack. Before he opened the door he put his hand on his taser and then walked in.

Zack walks in and heads over to the villain. He's about three feet away from him when dash notices him and looks up to the unexpected company. They stare at each other trying to see who will make the first move. Dash makes a small hiccup from all the crying which calls zack to ask apon it.

"Hey are you ok?" 

"No"

"Would you like comfort?"

"Yes"

Dash sits up and zach takes a seat next to him on the floor but never takes his hand off his taser.

"What's wrong?" Asked Zack.

"Well I accidentally broke a crate of ten thousand dollar fabric at the docks causing it to fall into the ocean, which somehow triggered a chain reaction that caused all the other crates to fall out of place and even some to brake open, making everything out of order and a big mess."

"Wow that sounds like a lot."

"Yeah and stuff like this has been happening more and more lately, I'm not trying to be clumsy I don't even know how it happened or if it was my fault, but now I think cleo is just trying to get rid of me, and I deserve it." It's at this point dash brakes down crying again and just terns into a sobbing mess.

Zack wants to comfort him but he just can't take his hand off his taser, it could still be a trap and all of this could be fake and he's not letting his emotions get played like that. It's not till dash throws his arms around his shoulders dose he relax a little and puts his arm around him. He knows in the back of his mind it could still be a trap but he still couldn't help but feel bad for him.

"Do you want to stay with her?" Asked Zack.

"What?"

"Do you want to stay with countess cleo?"

"What other choices is there, cleo helped me get away from my neglectful parents."

"Have you ever thought the path of red might be right for you?" 

"How so?" 

"Well you'll be free from the chains of vile and the thoughts of society. Where trying to pave a way to better future by taking down vile and not letting them corrupt the minds and work there way into the political system."

"I wouldn't be alone?"

"No you'll never be alone will be here for you and I'm sure along the way you'll find your true path."

"But why do it why risk your life for something you don't have to?"

"Well working with carmen it's kinda like I've just woken up and thought is this a dream, is this a nightmare, what's been going on? All of us are just trying to make the next day a little bit better."

"Ok... I want to join team red 

"Ok you want to go to the car?"

"Yes please."

[Meanwhile]

As mime bomb walks away from zack with the little pig in toe they eventually comes across a big shiny door. They recognizes it as it looks one of the many doors dr bellum typically uses. They turn the corner and gets a little closer, noticing that it needs a key card to activate. This is when they truly starts questioning what the purpose of this mansion is, they don't question this for to long as they hear foot steps coming from down the hall and they quickly run back behind the corner. They watch as a man in a lab coat use a key card to unlock the door and step inside. Mime bomb waits a few minutes for the man to step back out and to turn his back to him, mime bomb walks out as quiet as ever and puts his arm around his neck putting the scientists in a chokehold. Before the man can even respond he's out like a light. Mime bomb reaches down to the lab coat of the scientists and takes the key card for himself. They slide the card through the reader and the door opens up to a room full of lasers. They watch the lasers for a few minutes and notice that it's going to the beat of smash mouths all star.

"Oh yeah definitely a dr bellum room." Mime bomb thinks to there self.

They get into position and then start to jump and twirl through the lasers like they where taught in the academy. When they reach the flash drive at the end of the hall, it only takes a few seconds of looking at the flash drive before they reach into there pocket and pull out a pack of gum and very carefully switches the gum for the flash drive and then they jump back out of there.

It's about twenty minutes later and they all meet up back in the hall that they entered in minus one zack. 

"So what did you all get?" Asked Carmen.

"I got this." Said Shadowsan as he holds out the idol.

"Ooh, neat, mime bomb?"

The mime holds up the flash drive and gestures to carmen as if to ask, what did you get?

"Well me and ivy found are way to the kitchen and took all there spoon's, which should hopefully be a pretty penny on ebay or craigslist I'm not sure."

"Hey where's zack?" Asked Ivy.

Mime bomb pointed to out the window.

"Ok then player are we good to leave?"

"Fuck off carmen."

Soon they saw the red blinkers on the gates go off and made there way out of the house. They get to the car and see a freaking out zack trys to calm down a fuming dash. 

"That's it I've hade enough I'm going to burn this house to the ground!" Yelled Dash.

Mime bomb pulls out a molotov cockatiel and passes it to dash.

"How long have you been holding on to that sparky?" Asked Carmen.

Dash pulls a lighter and sets the molotov on fire he winds up the throws like a baseball star and it goes right through a window exploding on impact setting the rest of manson on fire.

"You know I had countess cleo bound up in a closet." Said Shadowsan.

"So that's two vile officials down and three to go." Said Carmen.

Just as carmen was finishing her sentence one of the upstairs rooms explodes and a peice of wood smacks zack in the head knocking him unconscious. 

Zack awakes to the sound of trumpets and is in a golden chair surrounded by angels. 

"Welcome to club celestial!" Said a very parisian voice from behind a cloud of smoke "I am your host joan of ark." Out from the smoke jumps a manly suit of armor and a nicely kept joan of ark without a helmet. "No christian martyr works it harder, the many voices in my head tell me we have a special guest in the house tonight zackary conwell martin."

The crowd boos as joan points to zack.

"Tonight zack will be taught the air of his ways by the prostar in are heavenly family, the stranger from the manger the hardest working man in the after life, give it up for jesus."

Jesus parts the smoke as he floats down from the sealing.

"Ah jesus I got something great back on earth don't bring me down." Said Zack 

"On the contrary jimmy I'm here to bring you up with dope, nooo not your kind of dope but the strate dope. You think those reefer fiends are cool I don't think you realize how cool god can be" 

"My names not jimmy."

"I floated down from Heaven when I heard a lamb had strayed

Look at you, your brain has turned to marmalade

I'm here to help you, Jimmy, and return you to the fold

Try filling your lungs with God, and not Jamaican Gold

Satan's bold! Loves to lie!

Don't reply! Do you wanna make the angels cry?" Jesus 

"Cry-yi-yi-yi

Listen to Jesus, Jimmy!" All

"Just say no to the marijuana!

(Listen to Jesus, Jimmy!) This comes straight from the Madonna!

(Listen to Jesus, Jimmy!) I'm the face on the shroud of Turin

(Listen to Jesus, Jimmy!) Do I need to test your urine?

Satan went and conned ya (Went and conned ya, Jimmy)

Mustn't touch his evil ganja (No! No! No! No! No!)

Jimmy, don't turn your back on God" Jesus 

"Dona eis requiem

Numquam fumas canibas

Aut incendes ibi inferno

You'll burn in hell!" All

"I've cured a lot of lepers and I've risen from the dead

Is that what it's gonna take to get this through your head?

If you insist on smoking to indulge those teenage kicks

Soon you'll be floating naked in the river Styx!

What a fix! Sulphur pools! Torture tools!

Seperation from your family jewels" Jesus 

"Ra-ma-la-ma! They're gonna cut your ding-dong!

Listen to Jesus, Jimmy!" All

"Gotta give it up for Lent, boy!

(Listen to Jesus, Jimmy!) Or wind up as Satan's rent boy!

(Listen to Jesus, Jimmy!) Don't let reefer kick your keister!

(Listen to Jesus, Jimmy!) I'm the poster boy for Easter

Jimmy, let me see ya (Lemme see ya, Jimmy)

Kick the sin and sensimilla (Go! Go! Go! Gotta kick it!)

Jimmy, don't turn your back on God" Jesus 

"For the Lord God omnipotent hateth

Marijuana! Marijuana!

Listen to Jesus, Jimmy!" All

"Thou shalt heed this holy omen!

(Listen to Jesus, Jimmy!) Stop indulging like a Roman!

(Listen to Jesus, Jimmy!) All the cherubim say you gotta

(You gotta! Listen to Jesus, Jimmy!) Trust the man with the stigmata!

Jimmy, don't you turn your back on God...

On God!" Jesus 

"Zack take a hit of god instead, you think you can handle the high?" Asked Jesus.

"I got a new god now." Said Zack.

This shocks everyone in the audience and jesus looks down disappointed and snaps his fingers. A cloud of smoke envelops zack and within seconds hes waking back up in the real world. He wakes up to dash looking down at him and shadowsan talking.

"If he doesn't wake up we will be asking you for help in medical damages, you do have insurance right?" Asked Shadowsan.

"Hey look he's opening his eyes." Said Ivy.

"Your beautiful." Said Zack looking at dash.

"Oh thank you." Said Dash.

"Did I say that out loud?" Asked Zack.

"Hey you good enough to drive?" Asked Carmen.

"Sigh, yeah I think I can drive." Said Zack as he got up slowly.

As they walk back to the car they notice a little pink thing running towards them at high speed. The little pig stops just before the gate and stares at them with big soft brown eyes. Carmen looks between the pig and the mime whose looking at her with similar big blue eyes.

"Ok fine you can keep the pig." Said Carmen 

Mime bomb dose a small hand gesture and the pig goes under the gate and runs up to them.  
They all debated about who was going where in the car but it ended up much like it began zack in the driver's seat carmen in shotgun ivy, shadowsan, the pig, and dash in the back, and the mime in the trunk.

The end


End file.
